Month: May 2026

Beer Mile, Heated Rivalry: Pacers v. Wussies

Team WUS (trail runners, average age 40) versus Team Pacers (road runners, average age 33).

10th Annual WUS Beer Mile | May 8, 2026 | Washington, DC

After last year’s shock of getting creamed by middle aged dad Trevor and the WUS team at the 2025 Beer Mile, the young speedsters at Pacers had a year to regroup — and craft some clever insults. Yet, what Pacers see as weakness (slow pacing) the Wussies see as strength (restraint, conservation, strategy).

Was Bobby’s Walking Uphill Slowly shirt a savage take-down, or a sign the Pacers haven’t learned a thing since last year?
Haven’t learned a thing.

Results

Team (5 top scorers, including 1 woman)
Champion: WUS (20) [1-Trevor, 2-Brian, 4-Anthony, 5-Will, 8-Martha]
Runner-Up: Pacers (35) [2-Chris, 6-Joe, 7-Eli, 9-Duy, 10-Greta; average age = 33]

To put the 15-point thumping of the Pacers into perspective, Team WUS could have swapped Mike (14 pts) for Trevor (1pt) and still won.

Better luck next time, Pacers.
(Duy has given up on you lot and plans to recruit new teammates for next year.)

Individual

1   Trevor    7:31  WUS
2   Brian     7:59  WUS
3   Chris     8:02  Pacers
4   Anthony   8:22  WUS
5   Will      8:50  WUS
6   Joe       9:44  Pacers
7   Eli      11:04  Pacers
8   Martha   11:31  WUS (first woman)
9   Duy      11:36  Pacers
10  Greta    12:03  Pacers
11  Heather  14:41  WUS
12  Mikka    14:49  Pacers
13  Bobby    15:44  Pacers
14  Mike     21:11  WUS
DNF Sam        N/A. Dojo
It’s good to be king.
The sleepers.
Prediction markets lost big on pre-race favorite Joe after he puked and faded from 1st to 6th.
In my 20 years of organizing Beer Miles, this was the first DNF. Sam will be discussing this one with his therapist.
Even Mike doesn’t DNF.
Although Mike did lose to a guy in a bunny suit.
The Pacers are my FAVORITE losers.
Greta accepted.
(Her prize for 2nd place woman)
Heated rivalries always end with a post-race party at Bunker on H street.