Susan Komen Race for the Cure 5k

Wahington, DC

June 2, 2012

Results

Washington Running Report

 

In comparison, the Susan G. Komen Global Race for the Cure makes the Washington Metro system look like a Prussian military drill team in terms of organizational efficiency.  As with past years, this year’s race did not start on time, had dramatic deficiencies in port-o-potty availability, had a chaotic start line, no mile markers, and no finishers awards.  This year we had some extra adventures like no one directing the traffic that was crossing Constitution Avenue during the race (I’m convinced that my bright yellow shirt was all that spared me from the fast-moving cars).  But there is no race I’ve been as devoted to — I’ve run the Race for the Cure nearly every year since high school to celebrate another year of my mom’s winning battle against breast cancer.

Most years there is some kind of debacle.  Last year I was still in the portojohn when the race went off.  No one forgets the sweltering year when they made us stand on the line for 20 minutes extra while various foreign dignitaries waxed on.  Then there was the year I peed in desperation behind the garden behind the fountain of the National Archives.  And the year my mom spent an hour trying to find out from someone with any knowledge of the event when I would get my 2nd place overall medal (we finally got a response that No, medals are only for the people that win).  The race is much more about fundraising than about running — although this year participation was down by around 40% from last year because of the flap over the organization’s February decision to stop funding Planned Parenthood because of a congressional investigation into whether the group was using federal money to pay for abortions (Komen reversed course after overwhelming public reaction but clearly the image of the organization remains tarnished).

I told Aaron that this year I was going to dehydrate myself so that I didn’t have to deal with the annual pee problem.  But even so I had to pee desperately.  I decided to hold it.  My plan was that if it came to it, I could always splash a cup of water down the front of my shorts.  Yes, I have a proven ability to pee while running, as I discovered during my Escarpment Trail run.  I don’t care if I can’t run 100 miles or even a 50k without puking; pissing myself while in full stride makes me a real trail runner in my mind.

While the first ten feet of the starting line was purportedly reserved for people who were planning to run 5:00min miles, today it was crammed with 10min milers.  It took me 6 seconds even to get to the starting line because I was so boxed in.  But I dashed out to an outside lane where wasn’t getting bounced off boobies anymore, and started ticking off the rest of the female field wearing the logos of familiar DC running stores.  I snatched the lead by the first mile and finished in 17:59 (17:53 chip time), 8th overall.  Honestly, I think I ran so fast because I had to pee so damn bad.  I nearly held it, but the finish line sprint against a guy who’d been sitting on my ass the last mile was too much for my poor little bursting bladder, which released a dribble of its contents during that last burst of effort.  But he was a dick, brazenly drafting off me and then trying to sprint ahead of me at the end.  I guess those are the choices we have to make in life: either put the drafter dude back where he belongs or keep your shorts dry.

The real victory was not finishing first female, breaking 18 minutes, or holding off drafter dude in our long sprint to the finish — the real victory was finding a pristine portopotty after the finish line, where my bladder sighed with relief.  That’s the best 5k time I’ve run in a while, and I was full of beans.  I attribute it to the very low mileage I’ve been doing (as I’ll tell anyone who’s trying to run faster, it’s tough to pile on the mileage and ask your legs for speed at the same time).  I’ve been injured since the Boston Marathon, with a nagging IT band injury that’s kept me from WUSsing, running Promise Land, and even from my Wednesday Brian-Sean runs.  Dark times, it’s been.  With this kind of IT band injury, I can run hard and fast, but as soon as my pace slackens the pain returns.  Recently I’ve been able to run more comfortably, but for a while I had to run as if with a gun to my head.

My mom, the true champion of the day, cruised in under 43 minutes, finishing 9th in her age group.  We knew better than to linger around for an awards ceremony.  So my mom grabbed her Survivor goodie bag (she was one of 171 Survivors who ran) and we beelined it to celebrate at Open City with a monster brunch.

 

Run for the Birds

1-mile, 2-mile, 5-mile, and 7-mile options

Shepherdstown, WV

 

 

‘Sean, you’re running this?’  The incredulous volunteer apparently did not consider the 11th annual Shepherdstown Run for the Birds to be a race befitting the likes of the Great Sean Andrish.

I retorted that the Run for the Birds was the premier event of the spring, a claim that Aaron and Sean understood by the end of the day to not be the least hyperbolic.  RFB is a little gem of a race, with 5- and 8-mile trail race options that wind along the roads, fields, and woodlands of the US Fish & Wildlife Service conservation training grounds in Shepherdstown, WV.  It’s a low-key family friendly affair, with a 2-mile fun run that my dad did, as well as a 1-mile kiddie run that Selena’s three boys ran, following a lengthy warmup of calisthenics (see little Emmett demoing his killer yoga moves).

I was originally signed up for the 8-mile trail race, but I had been limping all week since the Boston Marathon, with a lot of pain in my IT band and the outside of my left knee.  I had found that skipping and cantering did not cause it pain, so I changed to the 5-mile race and was prepared to skip my way through the five miles if I had to.  Sean signed up for the 8-mile; the last time he could recall doing a short-distance race was 2005.  And Aaron was psyched to skip and prance the 5-mile version with me.

 

But I have curious legs.  They griped at the beginning of the race while I was running cautiously, but they got much happier as the pace picked up and by the last mile I my knee was pretty much pain-free.  Although poor Aaron was robbed of what was supposed to be an easy frolic through the fields and instead had to sprint through the woods with me.  I didn’t want to run fast, but my knee demanded pace, so I complied.

The course is a series of different loops of small rolling hills along a road, then through fields that feel a lot like a XC course, and then along a wide dirt path that twists through the woods.  There is one big hill, that ends with unnecessary cruelty through some tall grass.  We always have an internal competition to see who can spot the most birds along the course.  No one else was looking so I won that.  I also won the 5-mile race, as did Aaron (we finished together 1-2), and Sean won the 8-mile handily, leading start to finish.  WUSsie domination.

 

While I love a lot of things about the RFB — the fun course, the low-key atmosphere, the good cause (Potomac Audubon Society), the 4 difference races to accommodate all ages and kinds of runners, the plethora of friendly volunteers — the perennial weakness of the race is the awards ceremony.  It takes them hours to compile the results — the race started and 9am and we didn’t get out of there until noon, and awards were still being handed out when we left.  I guess it’s part of the charm of the race.  The prizes are also pretty ghetto: a slip of paper for free entry to next year’s RFB.  (Although I guess that’s better than the Fire on the Mountain prize — Aaron and I actually ran into the FOTM RD at race registration, and he sheepishly admitted to still being ‘backlogged’.  It’s been 6 months, buddy.)  But I had 16 guests arriving at 1pm for a post-race birthday lobster party that I had done zero preparation for……

 

Except fortunately we had gone to Wegmans the night before (there is a Wegmans in Frederick, MD), and Wegmans has everything a girl could possibly want for a birthday party, including a frog piñata.  When my friends arrived I was still madly cooking and still in my sweating running clothes, but there wasn’t much point showering when the day would be spent playing tennis, romping in the woods (we had to have the traditional Birthday Bug hunt — yes, that is exactly what it sounds like: here’s your jar, go get your bugs!! — Leo won this year with a pretty awesome grasshopper), smacking the piñata, and cracking open and eating lobsters — which, at least the way I do it, is a pretty messy affair.

The weather held for us to enjoy our lobsters in the sun.  It was a rollicking good birthday.  Sean and Cori even cracked their own lobsters this year.  The kiddies were all good sports: Lily and Aidan even helped Sean pick out all the rubber bands out of the pounds of lobster shells so we could throw them in the compost out back.  In addition to what have become the lobster party regulars — Cecile, Bernard, Cori, Jess, Josh, Tany, Bing, and Sean — we had Selena and her family, Wladimir and Cynthia from Brazil, Cori’s niece and nephew, my uncle Jon, and my boss Mark, who actually owns a property in Shepherdstown that with all his jetsetting he hasn’t had a chance to visit yet.  But maybe after seeing the charms of this quiet riverside West Virginia countryside he’ll go check it out some day.

 

Bull Run Run

April 14, 2012

 

Normally Aaron is photographer extraordinaire.  But this year he was going into Boston untrained on account of his Achilles and didn’t want to stand around all day.  And he had a whiny girlfriend who moans about rising before 6.  Plus, this year we had Bobby ‘So you got a new dog?’ Gill to fill in.  (Yes, that was my not-so-subtle way of inquiring who his new lady friend holding the leash at his side was, as Bobby had allowed 30 minutes to lapse without any sign of an introduction.)  Aaron and I were happy to simply be photo back-up, sleeping in til good ole 6:30am and just camping out the whole day at the Marina.  Compared to working the whole night at Visitors Center at MMT (my only other volunteering experience), shooting pics at BRR was easy peasy.  And fun.  By mile 77 at MMT I see a WUSsie come through every couple hours.  At Bull Run it was rapid fire — Neal, JLD, Sean, Keith, Mario, New Guy Mike, Michele, Doug, Kerry, Joe, Boots, Kirstin, in something like that order.  And unlike MMT, these runners looked HAPPY.  And it was SUNNY.  Ooh, I think I found my new volunteer calling.  I actually won’t be able to volunteer at MMT this year because I’ll be flying to London for work.  I will miss it — that is certainly a unique experience up there, the closest you get to feeling like a nurse on the Civil War battlefield.  But not only do I like sitting all day in the sun (I found a perfect log to plop on), it turns out that I really like to take pictures.  (The rest of our pictures are here).

 

 

 

 

116th Boston Marathon

April 16, 2012

 

In the months leading up to Boston, it became clear that Aaron and I had divergent visions of what ‘running the Boston Marathon’ meant, mine involving a complex web of social engagements and traditions, Aaron’s involving the most minimalist path to Hopkinton and back.  Aaron’s way was to fly in the night before, plop all his belongings in his drop bag, trot through Framingham, Wellesley, and Brookline, grab his stuff from the bus in Copley Square, dash through the secret shower, and hop on a plane back to Reston.  If Aaron had a kitty, he’d be back before it even woke from its long kitty nap.

But for me Boston is a major social event, the planning for which begins some time in, say, January.  I run as part of the Center Volunteers in Medicine (CVIM) charity team based in State College, PA (although great lengths are gone to in order to ensure that we are never mistaken for the kind of charity runners that don’t have to run a Boston qualifying time).  CVIM provides medical services for employed adults in State College who lack health insurance via doctors that volunteer a couple hours every month.  I run for CVIM every year, I love supporting the team, but I am an absolutely horrific fundraiser (Me: ‘CVIM is such a great cause.’ Friend/family member: ‘So do you want me to contribute money?’  Me: ‘Oh, no, I think you donated a couple years ago, you don’t have to donate every year.  I’m not even running hard this year.’)

The actual race is probably the least important part of the Boston Marathon experience for me.  It’s about the road trip with the State Collegians, popping into Dunmore for pizza and more of the Cali clan, about seeing Boston friends like Peter Bacon and Sarah Schwertner, about seeing my Grandma, who used to watch her uncle Lauri run the Boston Marathon as a girl in the 1920s and 1930s and hand him oranges, just like the kids still do today.  (Lauri was apparently a perfectly fine name for a Finnish man in the 1920s).  It’s about the post-race party.  It’s about all the adventures and mishaps that inevitably arise when a large group of 20+ runners and their family are herded through the long, complex itinerary of events that have been planned for the weekend, the least of which is the actual race starting from Hopkinton.  The wrench in the tire.  The Newton-Wellesley Hospital and the Housewives of Orange Country.  Anything that involves Peter Bacon.

But relationships are all about compromise, right?  [Back in June I was running with Sean and he asked me whether Aaron really knew me yet – it was early in the relationship and he wanted to make sure Mr Schwartzbard had an inkling of what he was getting into.  I told him that Aaron described our relationship as like a United Nations meeting where I got the votes of the US, China, Russia, France, and Germany and he got the vote of Ghana.  Sean quickly grasped that his concerns were unfounded.]

Taking Ghana’s soft voice into consideration, the Marthon Security Council ruled that the compromise would work as follows: we would fly up Sunday afternoon and fly back Monday after the race, in complete adherence with the Schwartzbard Boston tradition.  But crammed into those 30 hours I would be allowed as much social activity as I could squeeze in and possibly still run a marathon.

So after grabbing our race bibs at the expo (and some snazzy new headgear), we had our first social engagement: a wine and cheese with the Weingers, family friends who have a lovely house in Newton and graciously hosted Aaron and me and my parents, who had driven in from Vermont after visiting my brother and his two baby girls, Summer and Savannah.  Ron Weinger went to Brandeis with my father, where my non-Jewish father achieved his premier athletic accomplishment as an intramural football champion.  However, I think it’s more remarkable that my father was immersed in Jewish humor for four years at a Jewish university and still can’t understand what Seinfeld is about.

The next social engagement was dinner at Appetito in Newton with the Weingers, my parents, and the State College gang.  Of course Tom’s group was 45 minutes late, but at least it was for a good cause this time, buying orange ribbon for us to pin on our singlets on race day.  The ribbons were to commemorate the fifth anniversary of the Virginia Tech shooting.  Five years ago, our CVIM teammate Jen Herbstritt spoke to her brother Jeremy on the phone before the race so he could wish her luck; by the time she finished he had been shot and killed in the Virginia Tech classroom.  I get goose bumps just writing that sentence.

We reconvened with the State College crew Monday morning at Hopkinton State Park, where John Domico demonstrated comprehensive lube application so that we could all leave massive greasy butt marks on the seats of the cheese bus that took us to the Athlete’s Village at Hopkinton.  It was a three-ring circus keeping our unwieldy large group together.  We waited for 20 minutes by the port-o-potties because we thought that Mike Weyendt was having trouble dropping his Hershey kisses (Mike had long ago finished his business and gone off to drop his stuff while we kept the port-o-potties company).

 

I dropped back to Corral 6 to run with John Domico and Jim Moore.  I was absolutely determined to run easy and have fun and not destroy my legs before the Promise Land 50k two weeks later.   I even wore my ‘fun skirt’ to remind myself of my mission should my legs start getting too forward, and carried a disposable camera to keep myself entertained.  I was actually glad that it was near record-high temperatures because that was even more reason to take it slow and easy.  And the heat actually made it more fun, getting splashed with sprinklers and hoses by kids along the way.  The fans seemed to sense that on this hot day we needed them even more, and were clutch in handing out extra water and cold popsicles.  You couldn’t go 100m without something being offered.  We took pictures, we jumped on trampolines, and our CVIM group kept expanding as we caught Tom and Andrew around mile 8 or 9 and later Mike and Meira.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things got a bit chaotic in Wellesley because everyone (particularly Tom) was stopping for kisses.  I tried to get a picture of the big red lipstick mark on John’s cheek, but the picture didn’t come out.  I got a kiss, but unlike the Katie Perry song, I didn’t much like it.  It was much more fun to watch Tom getting his 40 or so kisses, just ambling down the line of girls, soaking it up.  Happy boy.

Coming out of Wellesley our group had been splintered by the siren calls of the Wellesley femme fatales.  Out of nowhere Mike Weyendt appeared.  Running with Mike, I was reminded of my Achilles heel.  No, not literally – that little tendon is Aaron’s Achilles heel.  My Achilles heel is running slowly.  It kills me.  Every time I try to rein in my pace so that I can run with other runners at a slower pace I get some nasty injury.   In August I was limping after Cascade Crest more than Aaron after pacing him through a slogging final 30 miles.  Even just a fun little run with a co-worker in Lima in November left me limping for months because of another inflamed tendon on the side of my foot.  So not unexpectedly, after running a half marathon socially with my friends, coming into Newton my left hip was screaming.  And the scream traveled down my left IT band into the outside of my left knee.

I had only one option: speed up.  I had to drop Mike, I had to run on my own, or I didn’t have a prayer of finishing this run.  Running hard up the hills helped a lot, helped shake things out.  The quicker miles shook out some of the pain, and by the time I saw my parents at the top of Heartbreak Hill, I was more confident that I would be able to finish.  I took some pictures with my parents, stretched out my hip a little, and headed for the finish.  I didn’t want to run hard, I wanted to stop in Boston College for beer, I wanted to slap kids hands, I wanted to swerve to run through sprinklers.  But in pain all you can do is look forward and take heart that every step is getting you closer.  I felt badly about abandoning my friends; I wished they knew that if it weren’t for the pain that I would still be back there with them.

Aaron was amazingly waiting for me at my drop bag bus, and he and I met my grandmother and aunt at the Marriott after the race, as well as my parents.  I word it that way because even though the six of us were all sitting together in the restaurant, there was a huge invisible gulf between my parents and my aunt.  There are two kinds of family problems: those that revolve around money and those that don’t.   The last thing you want to do after you run 26 hot miles with killer knee pain is hang out in a cloud of family financial tension.

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But I wanted to see my grandma.  She’s 93.  I’m terrified that one of these days she’s not going to know who I am.  She brightened up when we talked about her uncle Lauri and she recounted the story of how she used to stand out on the street and hand him oranges.  And how Lauri stopped running the marathon when his brother Onni (my great-grandfather) died of tuberculosis.  Onni was a short-distance runner, a miler.  I have some of the silver award pieces he won that my grandma has given to me over the years.  My grandma also gave me the diamond engagement ring that Lauri gave to his wife.  I can’t recall his wife’s name but she was horrid, I’m told.  But her ring is amazing.  I didn’t have any diamonds to give my grandma, but I draped my finishers medal around her neck.

My knee still kills, a reminder of how I’m always punished when I try to ease my pace to run socially with friends.  Still, it was fun while it lasted.   One of these days I’ll master the Boston Fun Run — maybe in 2015, given that I run Boston on a three-year cycle.  Every time I run towards that never-nearing Citgo sign in those final miles, I swear that it will be my last Boston.  But let’s be serious, I know I’ll be back.

This site has its first birthday this month.  Quite a year it’s been for the Wussies:

Best new WUS tradition:  Beer Mile/Donut Run

Worst new WUS tradition: Margarita pitchers after the Beer Mile.

Craziest WUS performance: Adam at Arrowhead 135 and Sean at Zane Grey 50 (tie, and given wussie predilections, I doubt we’ll ever just have one winner in this category)

Most predictable WUS performance:  Keith, every race.

Best WUS sprint-to-the-finish: Neal’s 2nd Beer mile.  Frankly, we’re surprised Neal’s Succeed ad didn’t highlight Neal’s gut-wrenching Beer Mile #2 finish, holding off Bobby Gill’s chest lean at the wire.

Worst WUS sprint-to-the-finish: Martha’s Holiday Lake barffest.

Best WUS list-serv commenter: Mario, for anything posted after 10pm

Worst WUS list-serv commenter: Matt’s dad

Best dressed wussie: Ryon Lane (Keith’s shorts a close 2nd)

Most clandestine WUS couple: Joe & Boots

Least clandestine WUS couple: Torstin

Most improved WUSsie: Ragan.  Tenure, baby.

WUS injured reserve list: Brian, Brittany, Aaron, Ryon Lane, Bobby Gill, Tom Corris.